More ram won’t fix all your problems, with Minecraft it’s often CPU overutilization that causes lag/drops in TPS.
You can use the Spark mod server-side to figure out what’s using the most CPU.
Most often it’s either chunkloading or too many entities. Make sure that the server-side render distance isn’t too high (the default is 10)
Not really no, any mod that offers something like that causes crashes with mods that add anything content-related.
So your best bet is to use Spark to narrow down where the hot spots are.